Physicion

當內科醫師最爽的時候就是滔滔不絕地打嘴砲，可以爽快地講到非常非常基本的生理學甚至細胞生理學，也可以談到自己的深厚的臨床經驗。簡單說，只要有讀書，讀到融會貫通，能講出一套自己的道理，就是你強。

不過很不幸地，這樣的人至多只是講師，沒錯，不管你再怎麼有學問，paper讀得再多也一樣，要升等就是要生產paper，唯有升等有學機會升官，這就是在center生存的基本法則。

How about a surgeon?

外科醫師也可以把人體大大小小的解剖構造講得很透徹，很帥氣地道出每種一種術式的方法，不過重點來了，上了table要真的會開刀阿，不然嘴砲打再多也是枉然地！不過很顯然地很多surgeon都患有嚴重的嘴砲症候orz

Still surgeon?

揮別兩個禮拜前鬱悶地離站，今天離站心中又帶了點不捨，這正如同四個禮拜前離開心內、六個禮拜前離開小兒科或十個禮拜前離開腎內一般。

很開心來到一般內科，這兩個禮拜從林醫師身上學到了許多之前自己渴望學到，卻又不知道從何學起的技能，例如醫病溝通技巧、醫學倫理及如何在醫院裡生存。我很喜歡老師那種認真中帶點俏皮的個性，這點和之前跟過的楊生湳醫師及李碩粲醫師在某種程度上還蠻類似的，坦白說我最喜歡這種tone的老師了:D

今天林醫師導生回饋時提到了自己當年選科的情景，他說到他當年對小兒科跟鐘育志醫師，受到鍾教授非常多的照顧，林醫師甚至連放暑假都還去跟鍾教授的門診，Nelson's裡fibromyalgia那整個part都讀完了，畢業後小兒科甚至是他高醫投簽的第一選擇。但是後來他跑去當兵，短暫地離開醫界，反而能從一個比較遠的角度來看自己的未來，頓然發現自己真正有興趣竟然是當初讓他累得快死的內科。老師提也到，要走哪一科，絕對不能單看哪一科的老師對你比較好，或是在哪一科見習或實習得到比較高的成就感，要把角度拉遠，縱橫來評估自己喜歡的是什麼，這講法和之前在小港小兒科時，李雅婷醫師的說法有異曲同工之妙。

轉眼間快樂的五下的見習生活剩下兩周了，不管肝內的生活如何，我對這科仍抱著很大的期望，因為我相信有許多我想學的東西，能在未來兩個禮拜得到答案。

這學期來到內科和兒科，遇到好幾位足以做為自己role model的學長和老師，看著前輩的背影，心中有種想追趕上他們腳步的衝動，但猛回首，想到自己心中對於外科那份熱情與憧憬，心中對內科的喜好，又好似止於對這幾位前輩的仰慕罷了。然而，我又真的喜歡外科麼？這真的是我未來三十年會走上的那條道路嗎？

年初的面試時，我在幾位內科的賢謝面前大顏不諱地表達出我對外科的渴望，然而現在的我卻有所動搖了，我究竟喜歡的是什麼呢？我不知道，但我知道不論如何，我真的喜歡醫學，至今仍不後悔大學選志願選擇走上這條路 :)

衝衝衝!!!!!

在這個競爭這麼激烈的環境下，唯有不斷地努力，替自己爭取機會，才能走在別人前頭。

今年暑假是我最後一個長假期，目前很猶豫，我的七月究竟該留在高雄當教會和世運的志工，還是北上振興心外暑期見習一個月。

我的人生該往哪個方向走呢？

每學期見習到最後，自己總是感到很無力，學習的動力都大大消退，結果到頭來暑假不出去旅遊，反而跑到台北見習，這樣的行為實在令人匪夷所思阿XDDD

儘管說漫長的醫學生涯是需要規劃的，但很多時候計畫總趕不上變化，也很多時候不可能有那麼多role model走在自己前面，在自己低潮的時候，拉我一大把；不過沒有role model也不能輕言放棄，因為只要我努力付出，假如有一天我有豐碩的成果，我也會好好拉我的學弟妹一大把。

自己要成為怎樣的醫生呢？我要成為最熱血、最努力、最強的一位!!!

人言可畏

最近很衰，頭籤選到一個和自己tone不大合的老師；在醫院被冠上波波的家人受到學長關注；又聽到些令人耳根子癢癢癢的緋言流語，不論之前說溜嘴的人說了些什麼，有些話已經傳得讓我感到心裡很受傷，以前總愛到處亂講話的話，最近幾件事下來，終於能漸漸體會一些說話的藝術。

傍晚亂入李碩粲醫師的查房，聽到老師的bedside教學，有一掃陰霾的快感阿!!!

不是每件事都能稱心如意阿！唉～這就是人生...

I'm yours

Jason Mraz

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
Now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
And nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment babay sing with me
We're just one big family
And It's our God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved

So I won't hesitate no more, not yours
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

Scooch on over closer dear
And i will nibble your ear

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what I'm be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find that the sky is yours
Please don't, please don't, please don't
There's no need to complicate
Cause our time is short
This oh this this is out fate, I'm yours!z

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
Now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
And nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment babay sing with me
We're just one big family
And It's our God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved

So I won't hesitate no more, not yours
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

Scooch on over closer dear
And i will nibble your ear

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what I'm be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find that the sky is yours
Please don't, please don't, please don't
There's no need to complicate
Cause our time is short
This oh this this is out fate, I'm yours!